Random Thoughts

When you get to be a certain age (mine), you start worrying that you are losing your mojo. Your short hair looks like a helmet without some serious product. Eye makeup methods you have employed for years suddenly makes you look like Tammy Faye Baker. Your pants are too short, and belts become the enemy. The war against frumpy is on, and the battles are intense. I am fighting them, and fighting them hard. Above the ankle. Below the ankle, I surrender.

I live and work near Boston. My commute involves buses, trains, and walking. And since I have a 10,000 step a day goal (and a FitBit keeping me honest), I walk a lot. A number of events and business meetings kept me in “girl” shoes–boots with slight heels and flats with little support. None of these were too crazy, but they have taken a toll. My feet hurt. All the time.

So I recently bought some fun sneakers and Earth shoes. The sneakers can pass, sort of an updated 80’s vibe. (Remember–suits with sneakers?). But the Earth shoes. I’ll admit, they have an old lady vibe. But they are really comfortable, so I am going with it.

Here’s the question though–will this start creeping up past my ankles? Are yoga pants 24/7 next? I already wear the flowing jackets–will scarves help? How do I manage professional and comfortable,and toss in some  hip? Or has the hip hopped?

Going to keep fighting the fashion fight. But those Earth shoes come in a summer floral print.

I tried to have a weekly archive of my fabulous life. An online gratitude journal, if you will. It puttered out at the three month mark. I am not proud of this, nor have I been slacking off. Instead, I throw in the towel. Too much pressure.

And some things aren’t so fabulous. They just are what they are. Take, for instance, my current journey into meditation. I am trying, really trying. A weekly class. A conscious effort to try every day. But it is SO hard. Getting my mind to acknowledge then dismiss random thoughts is a chore. My patience is tried by other people. Long wandering questions. Slow movers. The woman who’s watch beeps every so often.

But I am try. And will keep trying. I have heard too much about the benefits. And I need to find more stress relievers. Or one that works. And so I keep trying.

One of the challenges of being a writer, especially a mystery writer, is that the observer is never able to be quieted. Ever. Perhaps that is part of my struggle. I can’t help but wonder why the guy who can barely put down his blackberry is really in a meditation class. (Doctor’s insistence? A girlfriend or boyfriend’s ultimatum? A part of his parole?) What is the story of the man who never gets out of his pose (meditation bench, on his knees. I can’t do it for a minute, never mind a two hour class) and never stops smiling. And what about the woman with all the jewelry who dresses with an 80’s vibe and has a wicked Boston accent? And what about the older guy who I sat next to who had a small scrap of paper and kept taking notes with his green ink pen? What was he writing?

See, this is how I roll. I wonder, and then make up stories. And then put them in mine. Or maybe I focus on how he could be poisoned during a meeting. Or how she could smuggle something in under her too tight coat. Or what would happen if the huge statue in the meditation room fell off the platform during the walking meditation exercise.

No wonder I need to take the class.

I have lost control of this blog. My weekly posts haven’t happened, and I don’t know where I was. So here’s a catch up, and then we’ll move from there.

There have been some fabulous things that have happened. I have a story in BLOOD MOON. I have spent time with friends and family. I have seen some wonderful theater. I went to the New England Crime Bake, moderated a panel, and had a great time. Lots of fabulous.

I have a wonderful life, and am grateful. I am even grateful for challenges, because they are lessons for gratitude.

But is that fabulous?

I need to reboot my definition of fabulous. To keep up with my gratitude, and call out the bright spots. But to push myself to fabulous.

Not sure what that will look like, but I will let you know.

My fabulous event for Week #7 became fabulous after I did an attitude adjustment. I walked the Tufts 10K. When I signed last summer, the idea was to use it as a goal towards getting back in shape. See, three years ago I did the BAA Half. And two years ago I did a Spring Tri.  So I thought, 10K, you need to get in shape, go.

No go.

Work is nuts. Life is nuts. My knees turned 50. I just didn’t pull it together. And so, leading up to the day, I thought “I’m just not going to do it.” Then I thought “I’ll pick up my packet, and get the shirt. Who’ll know if I don’t do it?” [Note: The Tufts 10K shirts are great. Just saying. Long sleeve tech shirts.]

Who’ll know? Me. So I got out the clothes (running tights under running pants, good shoes, good socks, layers on top, running cap), and set them out. And then I woke up Monday, had a light breakfast, ate a banana and hydrated. And I still wrestled. Then I said “Just go. And don’t try and run.”

So I walked to the T (about a mile), went to the starting line, got in the back of the pack, walked the 10K, and then walked from the T back home. I walked a good pace, but not great. I am really out of shape. BUT I did it.

And here’s the thing. I liked walking it. Why do I always feel like I need to run? I don’t love running. It is hard on my body. But I always try to be this athlete that I never was. But why not walk? And ride my bike? And do yoga? AND JUST MOVE?

I had plenty of time to think about this during my 10K. I didn’t wear an iPod (the rules said no, even though most solo runners/walkers wore one. I am a geek. Need to stop following all the rules all the time.) And I liked the walk. It wasn’t easy, but I felt good afterwards. So kinder, gentler, but firmer with myself. Here’s to more fabulous walks this year.

WAY back in the day, I worked for StageSource, as a part time administrative assistant. I remember the parties well. In the Next Move Theatre, reborn as Zanzibar, now Estate. They were big, bold, and fun.

Eighteen months ago, I became the ED of StageSource. Last year we combined two events into a party. This year we decided to just have a party. And so we did. Complete with an excellent DJ, a theater prom theme (“Back in Time”), fun food (made by the committee, very prom like), a photographer. A good crowd came out, and I think they had a good time. And we raised a little money, which is always a good thing. Running a non profit is the hardest thing I have ever done. Ever.

Adding to the party, I went to three plays (par for the course during the season). And all of them celebrated our community in one way or another. Also fabulous. Sometimes running said non-profit doesn’t let you remember why you are doing the work, and why you care so much. Then you see the work.

Life is good. Work is great. Challenging, but great. And sometimes there’s a party.